Long and detailed history of intimate relations with her husband
Psychology:the Long and detailed history of intimate relations with her husband.
Long thought to write or not to write. On the one hand, the subject is so intimate that I do not understand how it all words to tell. The psychologist we talked about it, but not so intimate, not as detailed. Moreover, psychologist — a man. And grieved — very, silent tired. In the end — I decided to write with anonymous empty account.
I my husband was the first woman, I have — the first man. We were 25 years old. I’m from a strict Orthodox family, he — no, why he kept her virginity — don’t know. When «be engaged», mutual caresses were, quite intimate, I — being very sexually excitable and sensitive, I managed to finish, though we didn’t even undressed. But my «sex education» not even enough to understand that he doesn’t get the same enjoyment that I did. And he, since he saw how happy I was, couldn’t understand why I don’t let him on.
From the beginning it was a mistake. He didn’t understand why I don’t give,and thought I don’t want to. He had no idea about my rabid temperament. I had mixed feelings — in part — a fear of sex because experienced childhood abuse, because I was intimidated parents what a bad thing — sex, partly — a strong desire, partly — religious prohibition. Now much do you blame yourself for dishonesty. Since we’re still engaged in petting, why not go all the way. We could get to know each other better, and generally — it would be more honest. And yet, due to the fact that he insisted on continuing, I was sure that it sexual desire is very strong…
In the first wedding night, he was startled by the strength of my desire, and I was surprised that I had one, I thought he was confident, because I was afraid of sex, as I thought, but he is not…
Another point, which from the beginning that we had — my erudition okolopochecnuu, and even more or less serious literature in which everywhere met two postulates: the first — in a pair have all that you can speak and discuss, the second — a man always wants more sex, but a woman need more relations, etc. to realize that in our family all on the contrary it took me a year. Year that destroyed everything that can be destroyed.
I tried to discuss intimate problems. When that was embarrassed and ashamed. Husband saw that I was embarrassed and ashamed, thought I was shameless and rude. I didn’t feel it. The husband in the head were the same stereotypes as in my reading of the books. On the other hand — didn’t have the guts to admit that he may be something wrong. So he almost immediately accused me that I — Horny. And I almost agreed.
Imagine a young couple, the first year of marriage, sex — every two weeks, more husband «not to plant», and he sees the wife Horny…
I «lucky», as he could not deprive me of my virginity, he allowed me to write on anonymous sexological forum. It is clear that to ask someone you know in writing he was not capable. At the same time I wrote about his problems. I asked a few questions and clearly wrote that the physical problems he has, is psychological. The problems were the same as now, they only got worse. Erection there and finish it.
Incidentally, a similar problem he had in life — very often before completing any case he loses to him a desire or interest. For example, we are planning a trip. On the eve of departure, when things are Packed, tickets bought, hotel booked, her husband said: «we’re not going anywhere». Only the fear of losing money makes it go. Often then he is quite satisfied with the trip.
Gradually, the sex got a number of problems.
He doesn’t like looking at a naked body, no. When I weighed 90 kg, or when I lost 25 kg and acquired the shape of Venus de Milo almost he didn’t allow me to be naked with him. The most terrible trial — the beach, naked bodies are disgusting.
He hated the sex organs. And the male (he will not allow me to caress him, because he believes the action itself dirty — only half asleep a couple of times he allowed me a more intimate affection than pats on the back. and, especially for women. At the very beginning of the relationship he could still caress my hand over your panties, or pajamas, about to touch me directly could not be and speeches, ever. Now, if it still comes to bed (we’ve been married a little more than four years, after I got pregnant and gave birth — sex every few months. and not once in two weeks…), I barely managed to persuade him not once in my log, at least a member to cuddle, and he resents me because I hurt. The only acceptable affection — the chest, and the fact that he did something that literally has to put his hands on my Tits. It is clear that and to feel it in his presence he won’t let me, so the chances of orgasm I have almost no.
He told me when, the only time we managed peacefully and calmly to talk on intimate topics that it, in General, experiences irrational fear, which increases as increases desire. Apparently, at the peak of desire fear is so strong it kills the desire, so he cums.
He definitely serves me right, 100%. I think he and onanism is not particularly engaged, but not quite sure.
The moisture and the smell of fun too cause him disgust. Hygiene I, of course, watched with such a husband — triple. But it turns out that if by some miracle I managed to reach orgasm, he just can’t cum, because as soon as he hears the smell of women’s secret and feels moisture — he has lost the desire.
He has a lot of childhood memories associated with the body which provoke his resentment. Mom soap in the bathroom and it was just too hot, and my dad was in normal water, mom was rubbing her head, she had long nails, it hurt, daddy washed up nice, etc. my Mom died, when my husband was little.
Yesterday was good (for me) sex, after a six-month break. For it ended in nothing. All night he dreamed of hemp. Morning servival me what your dreams mean, which is the main old stump…
His favorite phrases: «you harmful sex, you just want more». «I’m giving you as much attention as you need, and how much you deserve». Some time after the birth of a child, sexual desire was awakened aggression. Helped quarrel, after that he’s been snapping at me and was even a little more relaxed than usual. And at other times he was so passive in sex, I have the feeling that I give myself the pleasure of using the body of her husband. And he used to make jokes and comments, type: «how you look stupid when you want me». Then he began to release aggression directly — began to raise a hand to me, and sex is completely gone. Now it has been several months didn’t hit me, and here — sleep… but did not finish.
There was a period when it was initiated cleanliness. If we were in a hotel the first night, when sterile sheets, and all the shining — it wakes up the desire. Now I’m trying to make a home….. as in a hotel, but it’s not helping.
In General, I am very hard to understand what I want from the community. Change husband I can’t. Change her husband I don’t want. To alter myself in order to learn to want less — of course, austerity — ancient science, but something I don’t remember the great ascetics and hermits cope with their desires faster than in 40 years:-))) And I don’t want to stop being myself. I used to hate myself for my desire, thank God, it is not so. I — it’s me.
Husband by itself will not change, for help refuses, in fact, rejects the idea that he needs it.
I can’t do it anymore. And don’t see any way to somehow change the situation.
But if there is any opportunity to help us, and you shall see it — write…